What Not to Say to a Military Spouse

“The mouth has three gatekeepers. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” Arab proverb

With my husband on his journey to re-class into a combat job in the Air Force I get a lot of negativity from friends, customers, and strangers about this life style we have chosen to go through together. The training for the career he wants to get into is almost two years long plus extensions for different certifications he needs, so without being said that is a lot of time being away from each other. That information alone plus the word combat brings on a list of comments I have to hear.

  • “You’re going to be a widow soon”
  • “You or your husband are going to cheat on the other from not seeing each other all the time”
  • “You are going to get wandering eyes”
  • “He’s stupid for picking this career with a wife and your stupid for agreeing to it”

What kind of remarks are these?!? Why spew negative comments to the family that has a serviceman/woman so willing to do the job that not many others are willing to do? Support? Right out the window. I’m not looking for sympathy or to be pitied. But I am definitely not looking for such negative comments putting my marriage down and the courage my husband (and others) have to go out and fight for this country.

Being a military wife one doesn’t think that I already fear for the deployments he has to go on. Or the distance that I know is inevitable. I don’t let these comments stick, just in one ear and out the other. As a team we know what we are capable of and no distance or deployment or job will come between us.

No one should say such hurtful things to anyone or assume they know how the future will turn out for another human being. Be mindful. Put yourself in their shoes. And let’s support one another on this crazy journey we call life!

2 thoughts on “What Not to Say to a Military Spouse

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  1. Rach…. I am not a military wife… But I am a wife since the Stone Age… I am the wife of a man that travels he travels for his family he travels so I can have AC go to Y be here for the kids get a job if I want volunteer at school I can watch Oprah or paint the bathroom …this is the last 10 years the first 16 he worked he worked and did I mention how much the man the man worked … So I could again have food to cook laundry soap to clean bed sheets so he could literally crash after a double shift see clothes for holidays and bake dilly cookies for lunches …Marriage is about giving and respecting !! I respect myself I honor my marriage commitment I respect his working ethic I support his direction to do what he needs to do to continue his journey as a man as a provider as a father that fills the needs for his family … Respect his choices and he will work to honor you… Other people have no clue!! They do not know if what they speak… My eyes wonder yes!! So does his.. We’re not blind!! I respect myself more than to ever dishonor a man that has done nothing but live to support myself 1st than his children even my sick elderly parents… Your young your honest your strong your crazy in love… Your what beginning marriage is ment to be!!


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